Europe, Inspiration, Portugal

My realizations as I prepare for a big solo trip

1620453_596716920438333_2569041664731070343_nGoing to Oporto I knew it was my last chance to prepare for the massive decision I’ve made a few months ago of going to travel Europe solo for five months. I went to support a friend and the fact she didn’t had that much time to spend the day wandering the city with me, forced me to do it all by myself, and I can’t complain about it. Wandering solo around a city I didn’t know was a challenge and I had a small taste of what’s coming next year!
I still don’t believe I’m actually going away alone for such a long period of time, and that I’ll be forced to come out of my shell and totally out of my comfort zone to make a dream come true.

I’ve wanted to travel for so long that now that has become a possible thing I’m scared of my decision, and it’s still more than 3 months away from happening.
I’ve always had my life kinda planned with studies and crap, and to be fair, I’ve always felt way too young to be making life changing decisions about my future, and because of it I always ended up regretting the path I’ve chosen and that led me to be stuck at University for 3,5 years studying something that doesn’t tell me anything and that has been the hardest thing I ever had to do (or one of them at least), since every day is a struggle and I can’t put into words the amount of effort I’ve put into this stupid course to simply finish it and be free to finally do something for myself, and this time something that I actually like.

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So my decision to travel alone was not random. I’ve been wanting to do it for quite some time, the travel part at least, but kept postponing it for stupid reasons: “I don’t have money, I don’t have anyone to come with me”…blabla sounds like bullshit to me now that I’ve seen the big picture and that I know what’s possible!
I remember having 18 and talking to my friends about going on an Interrail for the summer, and told them it sucked I had to wait for them to all turn 18 (because they are all younger than me), and after 4 years all of them turned 18 and none ever talked about going anywhere. Let’s face it, people have different priorities in life, and just because I have this urge to travel the world doesn’t mean others have it to – which they don’t! And well, I was pissed…

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So after coming back from my Erasmus, and for a while being happy to be under my parents roof, I started craving for more, and in a blink of an eye I had this desire to leave (again). I was never a very patient person, and I don’t like routine and I definitely don’t accept that our lives are supposed to be all the same and that if I go out of the path I’m a freak and I’ll never be successful or happy, because happiness is finishing university, getting an unpaid internship, get a job where I’ll probably won’t make enough money for anything I wanna do, and after many years I’ll get my house, a bunch of kids playing in the garden with a dog or two and my daily life will be work, home, work again. Don’t get me wrong, I want all this things – the kids and the dogs and the beautiful loving husband of course, I just think there’s a lot more out there to discover and live before I jump into those things…Sorry, I can’t accept that at my age. I’m 22 and I don’t want to one day look back at my youth and regret a million things I didn’t do.

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The funny thing is, and I will call this destiny if you let me, one day I was just doing nothing in the Internet and out of nowhere I find Adventurous Kate’s travel blog, and that was it. From that moment on, I had this feeling I had found what I needed to do! I’ve been on and on reading a million travel blogs, and created this one, and I’m an incredibly happy person when I have the inspiration to right something and share it to anyone who wants to read it.

So I guess my big trip is mainly about this stupid life questions I seriously can’t answer. Besides the fact that I really want to have a million stories to share as I get into messy situations out there, I think I’m looking for some answers I know I won’t find here. Like, for example, the main question I’ve been asked for the last four years “what do you wanna be?” …well sh**! I don’t know ok? Stop asking, please! Why do I have to feel like an alien for being 22 and not knowing what I wanna do for the rest of my life? Is that such a bad thing? Do I need to do one thing forever? Can’t I do a million things instead? I hate this crap, I really do!

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Now the big question: am I running away from something? From responsibility? Maybe…but if i am is because I need to! Can you accept that? It’s not like I’ve decided to take 6 months vacation from life, it’s the opposite…I guess you can say I’m taking a 6 months vacation of a life I don’t intent to have. I’m going out there to make the most out of every single day, and to start enjoying life again and not wake up in a bad mood every time and see that I have another day that will be exactly  the same as yesterday. Do you know what I’m talking about? I believe there’s more out there, and that the adventure of going alone will show me just that and I will come back a changed person and I’m pretty sure I won’t be this confused kid that has no idea what the fuck she’s doing around here. So just do me a favour, and if you’ll bring any negative thoughts about my trip, don’t say anything, just don’t, please…because I don’t need it! Like for example my parents totally freaking out everytime I talk about where I’m going…
Mum, dad… I know you worry, I understand, trust me, I worry too, but I know I’ll be just fine! Please, don’t try to scare me by telling me that the countries I’m going are at war (which by the way, they aren’t!) or that I’m  unconscious for doing this, that normal people go on a week or two vacation and they don’t do this (ahm…really? Just spend a few minutes with me on the computer and I’ll show you dozens!), or that I shouldn’t go to Croatia because it’s really cold (yup, according to my adorable dad Croatia is near Poland and I will freeze to death) or that Bosnia is at war and is a very complicated country (no mum…no, no,no!). Trust me, I’ll be careful about all these things, I even gave up Turkey (just this once because of all the crap going on at Turkey/Syria boarder and I don’t feel okay going there now alone), but please support me, don’t scare me, because I already am and I’m also perfectly aware of what I am going to do, but scared or not, this is what I want and I’m going.

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